Change in the making

So I thought I was just going to keep this blog during my recent trip to Guatemala, for my family, friends, and church family to keep up with what was going on with us while we were out of the country. I have recently been replaying words in my head that many told me prior to going on this mission trip....."mission trips change your life forever". That means Guatemala has changed my life forever, which means Guatemala is always a part of me, and if Guatemala is a part of me.....and I am a part of Guatemala, then the blog doesn't end when the plane touched down...because the memories and the changes or feelings didn't end when the plane touched US soil. In fact, that is the very time that everything really sinks in, and tears really fall, and your heart really aches.....And all of that has been true for me, however what someone didn't spell out for me was...."mission trips make you under attack by the devil even more". Preacher Sean, and his wife Michelle have been like second parents to me....I do stupid stuff, I cry to momma Michelle and daddy Sean and all this conviction hits me and they give me tough love, pray, love on me, and encourage me to keep fighting...They have warned me that every time I step out for God, that the devil will try and attack. I know this, because I have heard it, I have even told others that is why the devil is attacking them....But when the devil starts hitting and throwing one punch after punch after punch....That is when weak little Emily says OK...OK OK....you win...I will back down, I will quit reaching out, quit serving him, and definitely don't invite anyone to church GHEEZZZ wanna get the devil on you.....INVITE SOMEONE TO CHURCH.....and when they bring their family....AGAIN...don't even think you will make it out of the parking lot without wanting to run over the old lady taking her time crossing in front of you, yell at the children in the backseat, or sending a hateful text message just because you can....and by 4:30 Sunday afternoon, you are looking for any excuse to not go back to church that night....scrub toilets, give your child a laxative (sorry...pooping kid...can't come), or heck blow the house up....
So see....one little thing of reaching out for God, causes the devil to whisper one little tiny phase and the whole day has gone to C-R-A-P... AND honey, if Sunday is crap.....Monday a bigger crapper....and TUESDAY, or as I refer to it as Terrible Tuesday comes.....The day, when you have decided to put the house on the market, pack up all your stuff, tell all of those that might have not looked at you the way you thought...and you instantly took it personal...yeah you want those to choke on a chicken bone, fill up the tank, and load up kids....cause we are leaving......MOM, where are we going? KIDS...we are outta here, we are leaving...starting over...where no one knows us, we don't have to answer any questions...and all this C-R-A-P can go away....that's usually when my kids look at me with that look of, " Maybe she does need that padded room with that cute white jacket that allows her to hug herself at that big building with the fancy gate that goes around all of the building.
So there ya go....that was what happens when you invite someone to church.....now....Go on a mission trip......YOU will want to check yourself in to the padded room, ask for a smaller size in the cute white jacket that allows you to hug yourself, you will probably even know the dose of medication you need, you won't pack the house up, and you probably won't call your mom to tell them she needs to watch the kids while you are on your devil vacation, you will just drop them on the doorstep and peel out of the driveway....
So I say all this to say, a little more detailed warning of how the devil was going to attack would have been awesome. Through all of these times (Devil vacations) since Guatemala....God still shows up. Sometimes not when we think he should, because often times I think he might be too busy with someone else who invited one to many people to church, but he does show up....And sometimes we need people to remind us of this because we are too blind to let God remind us.
Today, I sat in the Weds 10:30 am service at church....its a service that is kinda referred to as the "senior service" because 95 percent of the people who attend are seniors...I started going back in the winter to this service mainly because it was a time I could go to church, dress casual, and not have to get 3 kids ready, threaten all their lives on the way to church about how to act, and not have to give the evil eye any during the service because they can't sit next to each other with out someone touching or hitting the other.....So I called it mommy church....church just for mommy....well and a group of seniors. Because of several things, dr appts, Guatemala, the kids being out for summer, I haven't attended Weds morning service in a while.
I have been struggling with some major life decisions, you know the decisions you think you can handle on your own, don't talk to too many people, they will start judging (I mean I did just get back from a mission trip, I think I'm suppose to be perfect or something), and whatever you do don't really pray about it....I guess sometimes and I was reminded this morning by one of my best friends, that I forget he already knows....he knows how I am feeling, he knows whats going on in my heart, he knows my struggles, he knows my pain, he knows my desires, he knows where I am going before I do, and all I have to do is ask....and be patient...which is not by any means a strong trait I carry...I feel God needs to get him a Iphone ASAP, and sent me a text, an email, maybe get on skype, put it in his Facebook status....HEY maybe he could even blog it....but gheezzz don't make me be patient...
During these life changes, I have realized one common issue I have.....I am too worried about what everyone else will think about me...It sounds so high school, so stupid....I tell my kids, who cares what they say or think...or think for yourselves....YET...I can't even get dressed without worrying what people are going to think, much less make a mistake...or be human. So I feel if I just give and do for all they will all be happy, and people will think I'm a good person?????
This morning Sean said, Road maps are good to have, but if you start depending to much on the map....your going to get lost... And then he spoke about checklist.....CHECKLIST....WHO HAS CHECKLIST???? oh wait he said even those we have in our head.....Ok, I have a few...and then he said...Go through the list, while you are out doing all these things....are you bring glory to God for them...If not, its a waste....So if your doing them so others with think differently of you, and not giving God all the glory then someday judgement will come, so with that, don't judge others because they are different, or because they aren't in church in the exact times when you are, because only God knows are hearts......
I am glad God knows my heart, I am glad I was reminded of that. I am thankful that God showed up on time today, I am hopeful because I know God is going to carry me through this storm in my life, I am getting stronger....I am finding more faith....but there are days when that faith is tested to the very end....but I must remember God will show up in time...After church I was sitting in my car in the garage....I was still tearful from hearing the message this morning...I had my phone in my hand, and I went to Itunes, and was looking at a Christian bands song list, I accidentally hit the purchase button...usually it ask for my password today.....it did not....3 minutes later, my best friend Josh sent me a text and it said download this song called "stories" by Addison Road...ok weird...it was the same band I was looking at their songs and had just accidentally purchased a song called...Change in the making....I looked but couldn't see a song called stories...so I text back and said...there isn't one called "stories" but that is the title of one of their albums, he said hold on....let me look it up again....In the mean time I started listening to my new purchase.....hmmm not bad....so I sent him a text saying..."there song, Change in the making is pretty good"....two seconds later...he said....that's it....that's the song I wanted you to hear......God MOMENT....I think yes....I had "accidentally" downloaded the very song.... after we both said....ohhh weird....I went back and listened to the words of this song....this song is me....
I AM A CHANGE IN THE MAKING...................


Change in the Making, by Addison Road

There is a better version of me
That I can't quite see
But things are gonna change
Right now I'm a total mess and
Right now I'm completely incomplete
But things are gonna change
Cause you're not through with me yet

This is my redemption's story
With every step that I'm taking
Every day, you're chipping away
What I don't need
This is me under construction
This is my pride being broken
And everyday I'm closer to who I'm meant to be
I'm a change in the making

Wish I could live more patiently
Wish I could give a little more of me
Without stopping to think twice
Wish I had faith like a little child
Wish I could walk a single mile
Without tripping on my own feet
But you're not through with me yet

And this is redemption's story
with every step that I'm taking
And everyday, you're chipping away
What I don't need
This is me under construction
This is my pride being broken
Everyday I'm closer to who I'm meant to be

From the dawn of history
You make new and you redeem
From a broken world to a broken heart
You finish what you start in everything
Like a river rolls into the sea
We're not who we're going to be
But things are going to change

I'm living redemption's story
With every step that I'm taking
And everyday, your chipping away
What I don't need
And this is me under construction
This is my pride being broken
And every day I'm closer to who I'm meant to be
I'm a change in the making

I'm not who I'm gonna be
Moving closer to your glory.....


SOOOO in the meantime...I'm under construction...and I will continue to put my eyes upon him though there are days it is hard to have hope and faith....And I will continue to turn to him with my fears, burdens, sadness, loneliness, shame, and heartache.....and when he is through with me, I know I'm gonna be praising him, for all the times he showed up at the right time....

Please continue to pray for Guatemala, and those babies that have touched us so much...We have an opportunity to go back in December, there are several of us that have expressed interest in this amazing time to be the hands and feet of God.....Kaley at age 12 has expressed an interest in going, and I know God would use her in a mighty way. I spoke with her this morning and she is scared beyond belief of needles, I told her this morning that she would have to get shots in order to go....Her response was....well lets hurry and get them over with and get to Guatemala....SO please pray for her, that God will prepare both of our hearts for the possibility of doing this journey together.